one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
