so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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