I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
it was like having sex with a tree stump
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
