I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
