It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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