Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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