My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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