Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
