i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize