We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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