i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
