you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
