Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
