it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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