And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
