Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Randomize
