i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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