im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
