I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
