dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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