I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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