May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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