His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize