My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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