If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
