You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
How does one acquire holy water?
Randomize
