I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
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Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
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Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize