im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
