i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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