garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
This is not my ceiling
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
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