We named our party play list daddy issues
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize