You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
our cab driver is having phone sex.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Let's paint friendship bongs
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
