the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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