I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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