I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
