dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
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