5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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