Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
