Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
