In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
