She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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