Nicole vs. Life
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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