This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
