She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
