Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
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i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.