Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing