it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
last night I used snow as a chaser