I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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