I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize