I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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