ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
