I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
