I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
