i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
