Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
