I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
