Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
In America we eat man semen.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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