I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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