I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
