why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
