Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
