My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
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He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
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It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Randomize