i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.