From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...