i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class