Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
