he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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