are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
