Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If I die, sorry about rent.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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